Elf Yourself

The Holidays are by far the busiest time of year. That's a real shame too, because the Holidays are the time when the best time-wasters present themselves. For example, I spent entirely too much time this morning spreading the elfin' cheer making THIS at elfyourself.com. I just think it's absolutely hilarious. You should make one too and post the link to my comments so I can see you do a silly elf dance!

A Tribute to 1977

A JC Penney calalog from the glorious year of 1977, my birth year. I don't know where this came from, but I couldn't help but post it for all to enjoy!



Here's how to get your butt kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.










Here's how to get your butt kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be fifteen.










How to get your butt kicked at work:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination and/or imprisonment.












Here's how to get your butt kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.






How to get your butt kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.









And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. HELL. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.











Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?














And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."







Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits.






I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with this: Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

Trick or Treat!

The whole production went off pretty well. I finally learned from my past mistakes and started getting ready hours before I felt it was necessary. Everyone found all the pieces of their costumes, and we made it out the door only a little bit late instead of half way into the night, like usual. The first thing on the agenda: Trick or Treating!
I'm a big proponent of Halloween etiquette. I make sure my kids greet the open door with a loud and unified TRICK OR TREAT! They say THANK YOU when the candy is placed in their bag, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN when they walk away. People love this. While Trick or Treating this year, we accidentally joined forces with some acquaintances of ours. I was completely appalled by how rude they were! They pushed in front of the other children and when doors opened they just stood there with their bags thrust out and entitlement on their faces. They rummaged through peoples candy bowls criticizing what was there and demanding second helpings. They didn't respond to people's polite questions, didn't say thank you, didn't even say Trick or Treat!!! I could... not... believe it!!! There was no way to politely continue on without them, so we only did one block before we ditched Trick or Treating all together and went on to the party at our church.

Thanks to all the planning that went into it, this was a huge success. There were great games inside with lots of hot food and yummy drinks. I love being someplace warm where we don't have to hide our costumes under coats all night, my kids can safely play with other kids, and I can enjoy my friends from church. The tradition is to have food and games inside for a while, then each person in attendance decorates the trunk of their car and then the kids Trick or Treat from trunk to trunk. It's a win/win situation for parents and kids alike; safe, stimulating, and usually very lucrative in the candy department!

We got home at a reasonable hour with everyone in high spirits on sugar highs. Then after the kids were scrubbed clean of their costumes and snuggled into bed, I got to hit the Halloween Bash at the Last Supper Club. It's such a fun night to be out on the town! All the clubber elements are at their best. The only downside is the long lines to get in the clubs which, for some, end in rejection. I, however, know the right people. I got to skip the line completely, having the velvet ropes lifted and the cover charge waived. That made an already lovely night hover toward perfection. I'm already thinking about what I'll be next year!