My Celebrity Look-alikes

Well, it's official. I look like absolutely NO ONE but ME. I ran 4 pictures of myself through this thing before they finally produced results, NON of which are accurate, in my opinion. I mean, Cindy Crawford? Vanna White? Lynda friggin Carter?! These women are GODDESSES! I look NOTHING like them. But it's an improvement on the previous picture attempts. Those results: "Sorry, no faces were detected" for every single one.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Celebs - Collage - Morph

I've seen My Heritage produce amazing results with other people, like Marni's celebrity transformation. That was incredible! I did a celebrity transformation too. They tried to turn me into Angelina Fug-lie, but we don't share a single feature (thank GOD) so it was an extremely unimpressive morph.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

I guess, all in all, this is good news. That way, when I become a world famous basket weaver, I'll be 100 percent original. Just how I like it.

Who are YOUR celebrity look-alikes?

Man Candy

I've always been pretty boy crazy. I was told it would curb a bit after puberty. Ya, not so much for me. The only difference between then and now is the age of the man that gives me butterflies. In REAL life, I have extremely high standards for what turns my head, and the biggest factor is personality. In the land of Celebrity Lovers, however, most of that stuff just doesn't matter to me. I don't care if he's a chain smoking philanderer with an Oedipus complex. If he smolders, he's got me. It's all in the abs eyes. The only thing that could turn me off is EXTREME arrogance. If it oozes at me from every movie and photograph, then the beauty won't compensate. (Can you say Colin Farrell?!) Some of my crushes, I've been faithful to for YEARS. A few are relatively new to the ranks. That said, allow me to introduce you to my current Top 5 Celebrity Crushes!


JULIAN McMAHON
Meet the most recent addition to my list of fantasy lovers. I met Julian as the sumptuous Christian Troy on Nip Tuck. His character is a misogynistic, egocentric sex maniac with deep seeded psychological issues. But he has such incredible sexual presence, he literally makes my heart skip a beat sometimes! I hope he has a long career. Maybe his next character will be a bit more likable. Either way the man is MAD sexy and he has my devoted admiration.

HENRY CAVILL
This is the stunning face that I came to associate with the name Edward Cullen. My BFF and I cast Henry as Edward from Twilight before we even knew there was a movie in the works. So you can imagine my outrage when they cast the captain of Team Ugly instead. But I digress. Edward is repeatedly described as flawless. Inhumanly beautiful. Breathtaking perfection. That's a tall order, but I think Henry could've pulled it off.

I'm not exactly sure what it is about Christian Bale that makes me unconsciously suck on my bottom lip. He isn't a classic beauty, but his unique features come together incredibly well! As I've watched his movies over the years, I've felt a slow burn growing for him. Now I can hardly even read his name without releasing an involuntary moan.

BRAD PITT
Those eyes. Those lips. That hair. That BODY. Somebody HOLD ME! This man is absolutely divine and was my #1 celebrity crush for about 6 years. Having 20 kids in the last 9 months, however, has taken its tole on his timeless beauty. Which is why he has been dethroned by the insatiably sexy...

JOHNNY DEPP
No matter how hard he tries to be average, raw sex appeal just seeps off of him. He epitomizes my idea of the perfect man. Beautiful, but unaware of it. Devoted, but independent. Complicated, but without the drama. A bad boy, but a good man. Add that to the fact that his smolder makes my hips quiver, and he annihilates the competition the same way he does everything else; effortlessly.


*Honorable Mentions: Heath Leger (Rest In Peace), James Marsden, Matt Damon, Jude Law, Colin Firth, Kelly Carlson and Megan Fox.*
Oh come on, you know you have a girl crush too.

So tell me, who is YOUR celebrity crush?

I'd like to thank the Academy...

So there I was, gazing at myself in the mirror and thinking, "DANG my kids have a hot mom." ...when it happened.

OK, maybe I was watching Nip Tuck and wishing I could afford plastic surgery, but let's not quibble over the details.

My awesome Sister in Law has seen fit to honor me with a nomination for a Hottest Mommy Blogger award! Thus, through my blog, I am bestowed with yet another fatty slice of validation that I don't deserve, but am incredibly grateful for. I wasn't going to mention this in a post, but then I thought, "How can I effectively Nurture my Narcissism without a brag badge that says I'M HOT!

So my interpeeps, look into my eyes and tell me... am I a hot mommy blogger? You decide. Vote for me here!

Instant Gratification

Speaking of desserts, I have a confession to make. I have been plowing through the sweets like there's an impending Apocalypse that will reduce my pantry to nothing but pinto beans for the next half century.


"But Melain!" You all cry in unison, "What about your dietary resolution?!"

"What INDEED." I respond flatly, with frighteningly dead eyes.

I have a serious problem. Maybe you fellow rebels can relate to this, and maybe you'll all think I'm an absolute nutter, but here's the thing: I don't like people telling me what to do. And that includes ME. If I start trying to control myself too rigidly, it doesn't take long before my inner wild child beats the militant voice of reason within me to a bloody pulp. The final scene of that beating is often startlingly similar to THIS one...



Does anyone else have this problem? I'm really not sure what to do about it at this point. I believe it's rooted in the fact that I LOVE my body! I love what it's capable of and what it can experience. A perfect day for me will always involve an over indulgence of my senses. Beautiful scenery, inspiring music, warm sun on my skin, delicious food, and sex for hours. There are a lot of healthy ways for me to appease my desire for stimulus, but decadent desserts always win out in the end, due to practicality. It takes minimal effort, requires no one else's cooperation, and is instant gratification every time.

So tell me dear ones, have you conquered your need for instant gratification? Do you have the solution? Or perhaps a healthy way to satisfy it? Do share. My waistline can only take so much.

Dessert Psychiatry

I had a bunch of friends and family take this test a while back, and I could not believe how consistantly accurate the result were! I'm curious to see how accurate it is in a wider audience. So if all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one!).


Here are your choices:


1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate on Chocolate

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake



OK, now that you've made your choice, let's see what your psychiatric analysis is! This is what the research says about you:




1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature, but you can always be depended upon to listen and never judge.



2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.



3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate, you are very good with your hands. You are an excellent performer and a good teacher. But with your one track mind, don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A flare for drama and a love of glamour, you are a bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.


4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, and humorous, everyone enjoys being around you. You are a practical joker. Though very guarded, you are fiercly loyal to those who get past your walls. Once a friend, you're a friend for life. You have a quick temper, but aren't one to hold a grudge.


5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. You are intuitively keen and an excellent judge of character. You can be very emotional and sensitive.



6. CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. You love to laugh.




7. ICE CREAM -- You love sports, whether watching or participating. You work very hard to get ahead in life. Extremely intelligent. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance but you're honest and will always keep your word. You enjoy a well ordered life. You don't like to give up the remote control.



8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends, but few that you trust with the 'real you'.




This was SPOT ON for pretty much everyone I know!

Melain: Lemon Meringue
Jonathan and Monkey: Vanilla cake with chocolate frosting
Shiney: Strawberry Shortcake

My father-in-law (strawberry shortcake) My best friend (carrot cake) my dad (angel food cake) and my Sister (brownies) were also freakishly accurate! So which dessert did you chose, and did it describe you? I simply must know.

One Hundred and ME

This is my 100th post! So in the grand tradition of bloggers, I have written 100 Things About Me.


1. I am drawn to creative, dynamic people with extensive vocabularies.

2. There is not an ounce of “shy” in me.

3. I like pineapple, sharks, and fireworks; one equally as much as the other, but rarely in conjunction with each other.

4. One time I let an entire Airborne tablet dissolve on my tongue. The lesson: Always read the directions before you use a new med.

5. I would have 6 kids if it weren’t for pregnancy, potty training, whining and the fact that I have to feed them EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I tried not to be seen in public with almost every boyfriend I ever had, for fear of looking unavailable if someone better came along.

7. I don’t go for 'low fat' or ‘sugar free’ -- but I’m a sucker for ‘all natural’.

8. I have a great aptitude for the piano, but I dropped my lessons when I realized that if you know how to play, you don’t ever get to sing.

9. Every time I drive over a bridge at night I get scared.

10. My worst fear is being trapped in a sinking car with all 3 of my children.

11. I have had 3 unplanned pregnancies, on 3 different kinds of birth control. HELLO FERTILE!

12. I love the smell of white board markers and sharpies.

13. I have a knack for vocal impressions.

14. I am repulsed by nail biting. Fingernails are a festering hotbed of germyness. WHY ARE YOU EATING THEM?

15. I think I could pass for a Drag Queen. I’m tall with broad shoulders, strong features… People would totally buy it.

16. I have never had braces or cavities.

17. I still haven’t forgiven the world for the embarrassing failure in fashion & architecture that was the 70’s. (though its music lowers the deficit considerably)

18. I am not actually narcissistic, in case you missed the facetious tones...

19. I am extremely directionally challenged. I still have to hold up my hands to see which one makes the “L”.

20. My first car was a 1969 Fleetwood Cadillac Limousine with illegally tinted windows.

21. I tried to get a tattoo when I was 18, but they refused my business because they thought I was drunk. I still think my mom called them before I got there and made that crap up!

22. Somehow I forget EVERY YEAR how much I hate decorating the Christmas Tree.

23. I have not had television in my home since I left my parent’s house.

24. I resent restrictive scheduling.

25. When I was a kid I aspired to become a Voice-over Actor for Disney


26. On a recent political questionnaire, I quizzed out as 45% Liberal, 55% Conservative. Can we still be friends?

27. I hum in public places.

28. If my obsession with accessories escalates any further, my wardrobe will trump Imelda Marco's.

29. I LOVE water as long as it's moving (ocean, river, shower...) but stagnant water gives me the creeps.

30. Don't tell me what to do!

31. I hate sit coms and talk shows. (with very few exceptions)

32. My first love gave me a promise ring that matched his armband tattoo. Ya.

33. I rarely giggle. When something strikes me as funny, I laugh with gusto.

34. I quote movies and comedians all the time.

35. I still make wishes on stars, on candles, on eyelashes...

36. I loathe the term "Metrosexual". Let's not give guys another reason to avoid looking pulled together!

37. My mother unknowingly trained me to hate pets.

38. People think, by looking at me, that I have great athletic potential. They are wrong.

39. I have a sweet tooth that tries to control my existence. Sometimes it wins. Sometimes I win.

40. I lived alone for a year when I was 18 and I LOVED it.

41. I am a thrill seeker. Skydiving was a letdown. White water rafting was AMAZING.

42. I have a dream of my husband and I learning to dance together. Salsa, swing, waltz… But he wouldn’t be caught dead.

43. I love “period pieces.” I secretly wish I could wear a corset and drop all contractions from my vocabulary.

44. I want everything.

45. I have, more than once, laughed myself to TEARS when people trip or fall down.

46. I’ll know I’ve "made it" when I have no guilt about hiring out all my housekeeping.

47. I am a great cook if I make something from scratch, but I ALWAYS manage to screw up things like Minute Rice and Bisquick Pancakes.

48. My favorite swear word is *ass*. I think it’s hilarious.

49. I can laugh at the same movie countless times.

50. I am 80% good girl and 20% rebel, which leaves no room for indifference.


51. I read the first 5 Harry Potter books back to back in only 8 days.

52. Maybe I laugh at my own jokes.

53. I let my children jump on my bed.

54. I am a shameless quality snob.

55. I love to swim, but I can't dive. And don't try to teach me, I'm scared.

56. Music on a blog annoys me. Sorry my loves, but it distracts from the story you’ve written!

57. I resent sleep. I WANT THAT THIRD OF MY LIFE BACK!!!

58. I could go for DAYS without showering and still not smell bad. I don’t know why! *important note: I shower anyways*

59. I use sarcasm very selectively. Too much of it bores me.

60. Unless your kid is still in the New Baby Lizard stage, I don't want to hear your birth story.

61. I have about 60 Original Film Score Albums and I'm always looking for more.

62. I tend to repeat myself. And I blame my children that I tend to repeat myself.

63. I can’t make it through a good music concert without crying. Not because the music moves me, but because I ache to be the one on stage.

64. I am terrible at making decisions.

65. I have no talent whatsoever for arranging flowers.

66. My imagination is extremely overactive.

67. The hardest part about raising kids is telling them to say “marshmallows” instead of just saying “marshmarllers” like they do. OK, maybe not the hardest part, but it’s right up there.

68. I would give anything to have a British accent.

69. I don’t see the appeal of the Brat Pack movies.

70. I can't remember the last time I felt self-conscious.

71. Feather dusters make me angry.

72. I detest confrontation and go to great lengths to avoid it.

73. Unless I’m at a traffic light, I am terrified of turning left into a busy street.

74. I am extremely easily amused, and tend to burst into uncontained laughter at the most random times.

75. I lived in a haunted apartment for over a year. No kidding.


76. If I could snap my fingers and acquire a talent, I would be a Frampton-esque guitarist.

77. I can't tolerate negative, judgemental people.

78. I have a terrible memory.

79. I spend money freely. There’s always more where that came from.

80. Most everything I do, I do on purpose.

81. My natural hair color is very pretty, but I'm too restless to leave it that way.

82. When I was homeless I slept in a tent that I pitched in the back of the woods on a stranger’s property.

83. I don't care for the taste of Cola. And I don't really taste any difference between Coke and Pepsi. Stop screaming at me. I can't hear you anyways.

84. I once picked a fist fight with a boy who was 3 years older than me and a foot taller, because he was picking on my little brother.

85. I would love to be multi-lingual, but I’m intimidated by the learning process.

86. I have been in six car accidents and am hyper-aware of my mortality.

87. When I'm home alone, I crank my music up like a teenager and run around dancing.

88. I was the 1st Chair Clarinetist all through junior high and high school.

89. I love getting wet and dirty. Car washes, food fights, mud angels... bring it.

90. If I like a song the first time I hear it, I will NEVER EVER get tired of it.

91. Almost every single person I love has their own nickname for me.

92. I am at peace with the fact that my kids will hurt themselves with their stupidity. But if some one else tries to hurt them, then the Mamma Claws are comin out.

93. I dislike potpourri, incense and most other artificially scented products.

94. I adore all the home improvement shows on HGTV.

95. If I start reading a good book at bedtime, you can bet I'll be up all night saying, "Just one more chapter..." until I've devoured the entire novel.

96. My husband legally adopted my daughter when she was 2 ½ years old.

97. I don’t have favorites. (food, songs, movies…) They change with the winds.

98. When I’m forced to sit still, I often practice writing cursive in the air with my finger.

99. I hate hand sanitizer. I don’t think it works.

100. I get a huge kick out of quietly humming a few lines of a catchy song and then watching people around me get it stuck in their heads, unable to figure out why. Mmmwwwaahaahaaaaa!

My Favorite People

My in-laws are the shiz. And so are my shoes.
The biggest heart in the history of hearts.
My precious...es.
I didn't know brothers could be so tender and sweet with each other.
He has the softest lips. Ymmmmm.
They make me better than I am. I owe all the best parts of me to them.*screen credit to Melissa for the amazing photos*

Blasting the Past

My IPod is playing a game of Hide & Seek, and no matter how many times I scream "I GIVE UP! COME OUT!!!" that stubborn little sucker just keeps sitting in some black hole sniggering at me. Well, now that I live in TheMiddleOfNowhereVille and have to drive 18.2 lightyears every time I want to visit my former life, IPod's absence has been KEENLY felt.

Last night, as I prepared to make that long journey again to go see George Michael in concert (who knew HE was still alive!), something occurred to me... my car has a CD player! Remember CD's? I'd forgotten all about them! So I dusted off the 400 Disc Changer that sits in my living room and started looking for a few discs. As I saw all that album art, memories came crashing over me like waves in a tsunami. Every now and then throughout my life, an album comes along that I devour whole for months at a time. I found a few of those CDs for my drive last night and had a wild blast from the past with them. What is it about music that can take all five of your senses straight back in time without leaving the drivers seat? Here is a list of some of the albums that have their own territory in my heart.


Beach Boys, Endless Summer.
This takes me back to canon balls in our swimming pool. To sitting in our apple trees pulling a pucker face while we eat Granny Smith's before they're ripe. To long hikes around the windy hills by our house, completely lost in imagination; and bike rides to Circle K to buy 5 cent candy and gum balls. This is the music of my childhood summers.


Madonna, True Blue.

I'm 10 years old. My sister and I are giggling in our rooms listening to this tape on either my pink radio or her purple one. We're tearing teen idols out of teen magazines to plaster on my bedroom walls. We're walking to the bus stop talking about little things that seem SO BIG.


Michael Jackson, Bad.




SHA-MOE! Nuff said.








Tiffany, New Kids on the Block, Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul.

What?! Stop laughing! I can't think of one without the other, so they'll have to share the spot light, which is fine because they're all used to that. Ooo SNAP! This music is SOOO curled bangs and Aqua Net; spandex and big sweaters. It's passing notes in class, sassing teachers, and ignoring all the short boys.


Simon and Garfunkel, Sounds of Silence.

Hello darkness, my old friend. This album saw me through the dark, yet colorful years that are known to all as "Junior High." Rejection, competition, humiliation, retaliation, domination and self discovery...





The Best of Ella Fitzgerald.

Freshman year is where I discovered the beauty and power of real jazz. Not that cheesed out, choir jazz, but the amazing, meaty stuff of the 40's! Ella was with me for all my shining moments. She led me to all the vocal awards I won. She calmed me so that I could enjoy down time with my family. She helped me stay in touch with my classy side, as I dredged through the X-rated sludge that is High School.


Hook Soundtrack, by John Williams.

Thus began my long-standing love affair with film scores. I loved this music so much that I wrote and performed my own arrangement of its main themes in concert. *no band-geek comments please* My collection of Motion Picture Soundtracks currently rivals Disney's collection of happy endings.


Mariah Carey, Music Box.

Junior year, driving to and from my voice lessons, grateful to be singing something in English. Mall-ratting with my friends, buying cheap jewelry and splitting giant pretzels. Making big posters for our school basketball game. Completely ignoring the boy I like, though all of my senses are on fire as his arm brushes mine.

Alanis Morrisette, Jagged Little Pill.

I am a freshman in college. I am trying to conjure up a little anger with the world so I can fit in. I'm with my best friend, shrieking along with Alanis in her Cat-In-Heat style, as we drive to the scene of our next inappropriate adventure.




Sarah McLachlan, Tumbling Towards Ecstasy.

This one spans years and years of my life. This is high school, alone in my bedroom, feeling misunderstood and longing for life to begin. This is a frightened, quiet moment in college as I feel the weight of my bad choices. This is wrapped in the arms of my first love, feeling warm and adored. This is my 4 year roller coaster of agony and ecstasy.

Harry Connick Jr, We Are In Love.

I am in beauty school. I had 4 dates yesterday alone, and I'm still trying to work out how I'll eat two dinners tonight without the brothers finding out they're dating the same girl. I'm not whoring, I'm just doing some no-nonsense shopping for The One.

I finally found him. And We Are In Love.

Moulin Rouge, Baz Luhrmann.

As I let this music absorb me, I felt every emotion even more deeply than a sleep deprived young woman in the midst of major change already does. This music is the depression from a sacrificed career. It is the expression of a heart swollen with love for a new husband. It is all the tenderness of a mother as each song somehow becomes a lullaby. It is a simultaneous cry of rejoicing for my new family, and of longing for my old freedoms.


Evanescence, Fallen.

This album had me absolutely bewitched. I'd be home all day perma-grinning at my babies and singing songs from Blues Clues. Then I would drive to my evening appointments and vent my dark side with this intriguing blend of symphony and rock. It was the drug that appeased my rebellious side as I cheesed my way through the baby stage.


Imogen Heap, Speak For Yourself.

This is my life at it's fullest and happiest point to date. This is a night on the town with my best friends. This is summer road trips to fun places with my family. This is calling in sick to play in the sun with my Beloved Manboy. This is buying designer shoes without regret. This is a quiet afternoon all to myself, breathing deeply and smiling from the inside out. This is me right now.



So tell me, what albums do you blast to remember YOUR past?