The Stiletto Strut

This should be mandatory viewing for every girl on her 16th birthday. Every weekend I see them; those minions sporting sexy stilettos but walking as though they are barefoot on a bed of graveled river rock. It's clear that much effort went into their look and many mirrors were involved. All they are missing is a mirror to move with them so that they can know, once and for all, that a push up bra and a bit of mid drift doesn't compensate for awkward posture. If you can't handle the weight shift, go get yourself some cushy ballet flats and call it a day.



Rumor has it that the Glamour Stiletto Run is getting more popular and is migrating west from eastern Europe! For those of you who are unfamiliar, the Stiletto Run, part of the Global Fashion Festival, is a 100 meter dash organized by Glamour Magazine. All racers must be in stilettos, no lower than 2.75 inches, and to the winner goes 10,000 Euro for local shopping! I hope the race comes to Seattle. Maybe I could start a Stiletto Run training group. Then I can raise awareness, and train women to properly WALK in heels. That sure would make my weekends more pleasant.

It's Good To Be A Grown-Up

As much as I love the summer, I'm quietly relieved that school will be starting soon. I adore spending time with my babies, but kids have SO MANY RULES! A free rolling spirit like me could easily explode under such conditions.
Wait.
That's right.
I DID explode under those conditions.
I went through a pretty raw rebellious phase when I left the nest, and I swore I would die a maverick. But becoming a grown up has made a world of difference for me! I don't need big rebellions any more because I control all of my own little stuff. Now the extent of my rebellion is:

driving to church WITHOUT a SEAT BELT yelling "TAKE THAT SUCKA!" to the passing cops.

If I don't like my dinner, I dump it out and eat a fudgecicle instead.

I can tell my friends to shutup without getting in trouble.

NO ONE can MAKE ME do my CHORES.

I chew gum as often as I want, where ever I want.

I decide what's too expensive for me.

When I think to myself, "A cookie would hit the spot right now," I just go right ahead and have a cookie.

I'll rewind the gruesome parts of Shark Week and watch them again.

If you can be stupid, I can roll my eyes at you.

When I find a top that makes me look exceptionally endowed, I buy it immediately.

I am allowed into any club in any city in the world.

I'll fall into bed smiling at the sunrise after a night out. No explanations. No scoldings.

Of course, there are still boundaries in adult life. I do have to run major purchases and time commitments past that guy I married. And without him to account to, I would have a boss or a limited income or something else to keep me in check. I'm OK with that. Just don't tell me to turn down my music and we'll get along fine.

What is YOUR favorite part of being all grown up?

Steph and I are TIGHT like that.

As some of you know, Stephenie Meyer did a book signing tour that included visits to only four cities; Seattle being one of them. She filled Benaroya Hall with 2000 Twilighters. Every here and there would be some poor dude sitting by his wife wearing a Tshirt that said "I'M HER EDWARD", but mostly it was a total estrogen fest. Justin Furstenfeld, the lead singer of Blue October, opened for Stephenie with an acoustic set. He sounded exactly the same live as he does recorded, with only a little less accuracy in his pitch. I was very impressed. Then, he introduced Ms. Meyer. If I'd closed my eyes and focused on the screams, I would have had myself convinced I was about the see The Beatles perform on the Ed Sullivan show! Stephenie was a delightful person. She answered each question eloquently and with a great deal of charm. Almost all of the beef I laid out in my last post was addressed. I still maintain that MY ending would have been better, but at least now I understand what she was thinking.

After answering a handful of questions, she brought Justin back out on stage. He sat across from her and we watched them banter back & forth for a while. They had an adorable friendship. I could tell he was censoring his language for her, which was cute. And BOY was he workin the girl crowd! He told a story about woman he met several years ago who had completely flattened him; took his breath away. He'd never had such a strong reaction to a girl before. He was with her every minute of the day for as long as he was in her city, but eventually he had to go home and the pain of that was debilitating. He called his mom to get her advice. "How can I make this work when our lives are on opposite ends of the country?" She said to him, "Oh Honey, you can't. It's OK. She's your Never Girl." That night he wrote the song My Never. He finished the story by saying, "I wrote it for my Never girl." *dramatic pause* "And now she's my wife." The reaction was priceless. A combination of awww's and cheers and hopeful squeals of delight. *snort* WOMEN.

OK, I cheered too.



As Stephenie stood and delivered a heartfelt Thank You to her fans, my friends and I made a MAD DASH for the door! It doesn't take much imagination to estimate how long it will take one woman to sign two thousand books, and we didn't want to be at the end of THAT line! We ran for the other side of the building like we were being chased by the Volturi. Got pretty close to the front too! We spent our time in line rehearsing the many possibilities of what we could say to her in two seconds. The comments ranged from, "a MENTAL BATTLE?! How the HELL is that better than a rumble?!" ...to... "OMG, will you please write my wedding vows? Here's my number." We only stood in line for about 20 minutes before she was there, close enough to SLAP for that dumbass name! Kristen told her she was AMAZING, and Stephenie told Kristen she was SO AWESOME and thanked her. I made a little joke by counting up as she signed. "501, 502, 503..." I must have been in her head, cuz she busted up laughing. I'm sure she'll recognize me next time we meet. Julia said "I love you!" and Stephenie stood up and said, "OMG I want to BE you!" Well, maybe that didn't happen, but that's what Julia's going to tell everyone.


We went out to dinner and analyzed every moment of the evening. A woman walking past our table caught pieces of the conversation and jumped in with her thoughts as well. Twilighters everywhere. Almost two hours later we walked past Benaroya again, and the line was still FILLING THE ROOM, not even half way gone! People must have been there for HOURS. Better them than me.

I'm a little sad to be writing this, because it means the end of a wonderful obsession. On the flip side, I'm glad Stephenie is ending the story now or she'll find a way to make a Mormon sized family out of this, and Renesmee will have a brother named Bellard. Perhaps a sister named Edwella? Rosalice? Jassett! I better stop now before my gag reflex kicks in again. Thank you for Twilight, Stephenie. It was a great ride!

Breaking Down Breaking Dawn

Alright Twilighters... Let's discuss.

There were quite a few things about this book that I loved, and quite a few that I hated. I'll vent my angst first so we can end on a positive note.

First of all: RENESMEE?!
What.
The.
HELL.
I could not say that name without laughing out loud. RIDICULOUS. I am, therefore, boycotting the name and will henceforth refer to her as 'Carlie'.

Secondly, I was a little weirded out by the pregnancy angle. I got used to the idea and ultimately liked the story, but I find it strange that Edward can't so much as squeeze out a tear, but he's got the fluid to impregnate a woman? Riiiiight. I'm not asking for a 'realistic Vampire story', but a make-believe world has to be consistent. That's why we buy it.

Moving on... I almost lost all affection for Edward when he tried to whore out his wife to his rival. I can forgive him for hating his "monster" child, but volunteering Bella for conjugal visits to a man she had rejected? What a douche bag! Then Bella guesses what he did and isn't upset about it? That would be a deal breaker in a healthy relationship.

I would have liked to've seen Edward as a father. If he's capable of the kind of love he has for Bella, he should have made a ROCK STAR daddy. But his relationship with his daughter wasn't given any warmth or attention. That was a shame cuz nothing is sexier than a good dad and it might have helped me forgive his stint as a pimp. I also felt like he was just a secondary character in this book. He no longer dominated Bella's thoughts, so we didn't see or hear as much from him. Where was my Edward, the hero? I know the point was to make BELLA the hero this time, and the feminist in me rejoices at that, but I missed the old Edward.

While the JACOB section was interesting and I enjoyed being in his head, what was with the Leah thing? Why take the time to develop her character and then just leave her storyline hanging in the wind? I think maybe it was an attempted fake out for Jacob's love life so we wouldn't suspect how it was really heading (which didn't work as we had it figured out LONG before it happened) but ultimately, most that section was a distraction from the heart of the story.

After Bella's transformation, a lot of time was spent while they basked in their happy situation. While I LOVED seeing them happy, I was a bit eager to see what was going to happen next. So I found myself getting bored with it. I would have eaten it up if she'd gone into that detail AFTER the Volturi trouble had passed. As it was, I found the pace of the last half of the book to be very irritating.

And what the HELL is with the 300 page build up to a war that never took place! And not once, but TWICE. The first being the scrimmage between the vampires and the werewolves that got dropped like a rock. After all that build up, she just spent a few paragraphs explaining that everything was OK now. I would have liked to have SEEN things resolve! And don't even GET me started on the final battle. This was how things ended with the Volturi in book 2 AND in book 3... in LIMBO. You can't finish a series in limbo!!! I wanted closure there! Those betches needed to go DOWN. I wanted a RUMBLE! Here's how it goes in my head:

Tensions are high, the war is about to begin, the other halfling is presented to the Volturi, Aro declares peace and they try to turn tail, but Jane (who Bella has been goading with smirks) can't take it and lunges for 'Carlie' as soon as The Guard begins to retreat. Bella can't defend her without dropping her sheild and putting everyone else at risk, so Roselie (who never really redeemed herself) leaps between them and sacrifices herself to save 'Carlie'. Then the war breaks out. Emmett destroys Jane to avenge Rose, so Alec destroy Emmett *sob*, Jasper destroys Alec, Carlisle and Alice destroy Marcus, Edward and Jacob destroy Aro, and the rest go down as all the witnesses and werewolves join the Cullens. The two vampires that were there to see the Volturi fall had formed a secret alliance with Caius -the bored one- to overthrow Aro and Marcus, who had perverted their cause and become obsessed with power. They take up the Volturi's position as guardians of the Vampire world, and order is restored.

That way, we get our war and our happy ending without the feeling that no sacrifices were made. That's the other thing that left me a bit cold at the end. Everything got sewed up almost too neatly, with nothing in the end but the mere threat of opposition. After all, the joy in a happy ending is always in proportion to the threat of a sad ending. If the threat isn't big enough, the joy isn't as full. And the oppostiton in this book left me wanting.

Now, for the things I LOVED! I was thrilled that the wedding took place first thing. I felt like the wedding should have been the end of the LAST book, so I was relieved that she didn't drag that out. It also left me with no idea what was going to happen next, since we all predicted that she wouldn't get married and/or changed until the end. Lovely surprise.

I liked that Bella grew up and got over her annoying self esteem issues. I wish she would have started that growing process in Eclipse, so it wouldn't have felt quite so much like a personality transplant, but it made sense to me that she would find complete confidence and peace as a vampire. She was born to become one, and she really found herself when it happened. I LOVED reading about her first experiences as a vampire. That was the best writing in the series, I thought. I also LOVED LOVED LOVED Bella's Vampire Power! Very appropriate for her character and just generally badazz.

I loved the sexual release in this book. As a fan of sex in general, I was always a bit irritated by Edward's cold shouldering, though I understood it. I did miss elements of their prior relationship (such as all the sappy one liners that made my estrogen cup runneth over), but they had MAD chemistry. It was a natural evolution for their relationship and about bloody time. The 'sex scenes' were very tastefully done and fun to watch. (a little mormon porn?)

Jacob cracked me up. It was nice to have a bit of comic relief. I also really liked 'Carlie'. I wonder if Stephenie will write a series from her perspective? I could see her running with the storyline about the guy who is trying to breed a half vampire army. I bet the Volturi tracks that guy down, not to destroy him, but to join forces with him. Can you imagine?! The Volturi using their resources to find and kidnap human women with 'gifts' they could pass on to vampire children... CREEPY!

All in all, I loved the book, because I got the happy ending I was hoping for. But I was disappointed with the journey that got us to that ending.

What's YOU'RE break down of the book? I'm going to meet Stephenie Meyer this week! Anything you want me to ask her?

Standing Where Edward Stood

Quotable: "How can he give Bella what she wants? What about that ice cold Super Sperm?!" ~M

I've just spent the weekend in a place where reality and mythology coexist in the same dimension. A place where an average girl can find love that spans the eternities and adventures that captivate the world. I've just spend the weekend in Forks, Washington.



If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then it will be news to you that the 4th and final installment of the Twilight Saga was released on Saturday. My friends and I are always on the lookout for a reason to have a big party, and since we count ourselves among the Twilighters of the world, what better excuse is there than THIS!

Quotable: "I don't see why we should spend money when we can just steal what we need." ~M

It started with the book release party in the U-District. There were costumes, games, food, contests and live music... We were definitely Standouts with our rockin costumes. We didn't participate in the contest, but we got prizes anyway! How's THAT for impressive! Our plan was to get the book, drive to Forks, and camp there while we read the end of our favorite love story. When we got our books, at about 12:15am, we promptly locked them in the trunk to keep temptation at bay, and went back to my BFF's house for a little giggling sleep before the journey.

Quotable:

M~ "It's Clair de Lune!"

K~ "I LOVE them!"

The ever extravagant Kristen had a gift for me and Julia that morning; 4 hours of music that was hand selected by her with the Twilight story in mind. She presented it to us in a 5 disc set, with pictures from the upcoming movie, and quotes from the book. It's pretty much the coolest thing EVER. Several songs on those discs will forever remind me of Edward, Bella and this trip with my friends. It wasn't easy, but I chose a theme song for each book:

Heaven on Earth by Britney Spears (Twilight),

Stay With Me by Danity Kane (New Moon),

Congratulations by Blue October (Jacob's Song)

Keep Holding On(Eclipse) and

I Will Be by Avril Lavigne (Breaking Dawn) .

I put several of my favorites on a playlist to get you in the mood...

Quotable:

K~ "There's the Forks Women's Clinic!"

J~ "Let's all go get pap smears!"

M~ "That'd make a great Piece of Flare for Facebook."

K~ "I Got A Pap In Forks."

Forks is a total hole in the ground. It would be easy to drive through the town while looking for the town. None the less, we were ridiculously excited to be there. Our imaginations created a magic that hung in the air like static. And boy are they milking it for all it's worth! They have a parking spot at the hospital reserved for Carlisle Cullen. They have Bella's red truck parked outside the Chamber of Commerce. Their local restaurants have Twilight titled entrees, like the Bella Burger at Sully's. We visited Olympic Sporting Goods, the store Bella works in through New Moon. We dropped by the Elks Lodge, the location of Bella and Edward's graduation dinner. We even went to Port Angeles and found Bella Vino Italia, the place Bella and Edward had their first date. Each place we saw had us squealing in unison, "EDWARD WAS HERE!" I don't need you to remind me that this was a fictional story. I'm fully aware of how retarded we are. But I LOVE it.

Quotable: "Vampires don't eat french fries, dumbass!" ~M

Our camp sight was right on the border of Forks and LaPush, which means we were sleeping where Jacob and Edward used to drop off Bella during Eclipse. *tehe* We systematically went through our books, reading a chapter and then discussing it before we moved on to the next. It slowed me way down, but it was tons of fun that way. We read until the wee small hours of the morning. I tied a flashlight around my hair like a rubber band so I could continue reading in the dark. We took a few breaks for smores and illegal sparklers, of course. But mostly we read. And read. And read some more.

Quotable: "I'm like the Quasimodo of Vampires! ... I take it back... YOU'RE the Quasimodo!" ~K

In the morning we went to breakfast, still reading, and then drove to LaPush to look for Jacob. The sun had the audacity to show itself for a brief moment, but most of the time there was a reliable sheath of clouds, just like Bella said there was. That was nice for pictures, but NOT so nice for beach time in LaPush. We ran around on the beach for as long as we could stand the cold before we bailed. As we drove away from Forks, the clouds lifted almost as though there was an invisible barrier trapping the clouds there. Indeed, Forks is an excellent place for sun sensitive vampires to call home.

Quotable:

K~ "If I lived here, I'd TOTALLY take up drugs."

J~ "You'd probably sell them, let's be honest."

It's too early to give my opinion of the book. I don't want to be a spoiler. But I CAN tell you that this trip was AMAZING. I wish I could do it again THIS weekend. And the one after that too, if you please. Until then, these memories have me falling asleep smiling, which is JUST what I needed.